I'm thinking about curtains in the metaphorical and literal sense. We've taken down the closet doors that used to be in the office (which is now our bedroom) and replaced them with long curtains. Every day I stare at them. They're this rich, deep red almost maroonish color, and I love them. It reminds me of being in love with the color red as a child. Every red crayon was pretty much destroyed so I could use red on anything and everything. Today I sat on the floor by these curtains. They're not made of gold or any kind of fancy fiber, they're just curtains, but in some odd sense they bring me comfort. I feel like it neatly contains the world behind it. The world, for once not clutter. That feels good. Not much clutter these days, that is huge, that is a relief, as I tend to be all discombobulated about clutter.
So in terms of metaphorical curtains, I feel like the ones I've had draped over, well, essentially "everything" has been lifted to reveal a lighter, almost sheer curtain. I don't necessarily trust it at the moment, I've come to see that sometimes I trust too easily in the scheme of being shown something I think I want, but I am open to trusting it. Still, it's an odd energetic time for me. Just a few days have changed "everything" -- there's that word again. Still, things feel different, but in a spiraled sort of way.
I try to view my existence in more than just circular patterns. I see, instead, that life spirals, and I may revisit a certain issue in my life again, but the way the spiral moves, in or further out, creates the basis for how I will face this issue.
So I am seeing this spiral again, but it doesn't feel as creepy, as hard, as... disgustingly manipulative, and while that may seem "good", it feels creepy in and of itself. That makes me slightly nervous. I want to trust that it's not creepy, that time has circled around and my position in that circle is to keep dancing, because I've stood in the middle long enough.
Sunday night was Stevie Nicks, and as I was getting ready for the show I made sure to hop online to get directions despite being at the venue before. I do this all the time, I like to triple check when I'm going somewhere I feel will produce a magnificent event. They posted that the opening act was Mandy Moore, who I adore and it made the evening that much more exciting... if that's possible when it comes to Stevie Nicks!
My seats were simply amazing, 9th row center stage... I think I may continue to go to concerts solo as that will ensure I get the odd seats closer to the stage! Mandy Moore was amazing, incredibly beautiful and her voice was like golden butter. I was blown away by her energy, her beauty and her just "girl next door" sense of being. She was nervous and sweet, and she played my favorite song which I got lost in the melody of. Hard to believe I was viewing someone I adore not only musically, but theatrically as well. It was a brilliant way to start the evening.
Stevie's set started off with the wonderful "Stand Back" -- a great 80s classic to get the crowd pumping, and as the musicians were playing the beginning chords we all anxiously looked around for Stevie to appear. When she did... wow, even the memory... I admit, I cried. I did, I'm not too proud to admit it. Her "Trouble In Shangri-La" CD feels like the autobiography of my soul. To see someone who inspires you, to be that close to their work, to their being, it's beyond what words can express.
I have a dear love for Claude Monet, beyond the popular Waterlilies series (although it is one of my favorites no doubt). In 1998 the MFA had a showcase of his work, and tickets were quite expensive at the time. We got a set and went with friends, and I remember how nervous I was, knowing I would be standing in the same room as his works that I have spent so much time viewing in books and dreaming about. I felt like I was personally being led into a room of secret techniques, to see first hand the genius of his strokes, the brilliancy of his color palette, as he was one who preferred to not use black or white as they aren't "true colors" -- something I adapted in my high school painting years.
Walking into that room, I wasn't prepared to feel so overwhelmed by the energy of his work. It was more than a painting, it was more than his story, it's hard to explain the magnitude of what standing in those rooms meant to me, and indeed, I was moved to tears.
Stevie coming onto the stage was much a similar experience. She has this energetic field that exudes beauty and mystery, and the crowd ate it up, as it was a never-ending resource.
She still puts on an amazing show. I saw her nearly 10 years ago with Fleetwood Mac and she amazed me even then. My only disappointment was that I hadn't attended more shows in the past years. Even the memory, as "silly" as it can sound, moves me still. Her funny stories, her beautiful messages, her true gratitude for the audience to be there sharing this evening with her. I've been to enough concerts to know when it's just a statement that is as repetitive as a set list, but to see her go up to the front row, shaking everyone's hands, saying thank you to each of them, making it a point to smile and make eye contact, it was mind blowing.
It will be an evening I won't soon forget. And I felt something return to being that I had forgotten about that night. It was beautiful, and it reminded me of the day's lesson of listening for the voice of the Goddess, to be still and listen.
I've been channeling stillness a lot today.
This is what makes me think that the spiral that has returned, that the curtains that have been lifted and changed... that it's new... or perhaps how it was always supposed to manifest? I honestly don't know, but I know the game of speculation takes me to a stand still, and the stand still leads me deeper into the darkness, afraid. Today I would prefer to swim in the light, and share that light with the darkness.
But I will probably always have questions. )0(