Back when I taught at the Dove I was given a class by the owner of the school, Synergy of Prosperity, that I had been wanting to teach for a while. I wanted it to go beyond the notion of monetary prosperity, but really looking at the energy of prosperity in general life. It was a class I was quite excited for, but sadly most students were no longer interested in taking it because of the lack of information and how classes were shortened to a day while still having to pay for 2 days.
Word got around that I would be taking over the class and to my surprise many students who had already taken it signed up again, apparently loving my easy approach to teaching and loving my previous classes, something many students only get to experience when they are ready to take their electives, as I am not a massage teacher.
One of the things that the original instructor taught was her concept of a God consciousness towards prosperity as a 30 day affirmation program. I adapted it slightly, trying to make it more deity friendly, as I don't really relate to a God in general. However, I do hold a special place in my heart for Cernunnos, my leanings are towards the Dianic tradition with focus on the Goddess, still, many don't relate to that either, so my attempts to make things well rounded for all was interesting.
I have revisited this program last month, revamping it once more and sharing it with my systers at ADC and we've been doing the daily affirmations.
Last night an incident occurred with me and the neighbors. The details are boring and tedious as to what's been occurring the past 2 years with much headache, but last night drew the line, and last night, for the first time since my own trauma, I felt unsafe to be home. I was terrified in ways that made me 16 years old again, things that I thought had been healed were coming right back up to the surface, and the terror that seeped through my pores left me feeling lost.
I don't know what will happen next, and my instincts when in trauma aren't on the greatest reaction time, but when in trauma, I'm sorry, linear time is non existent. I wish others could appreciate that.
A terror that I had thought I was coming to peace with is surrounding me, an energetic bubble of fear, more than fear really, as that trauma last time brought me to a place of ultimate hopelessness. I felt hopeless.
Today's Goddess consciousness said:
"Today's lesson is about realizing that all of my experiences happen for a reason. I choose to see each one as a part of my personal growth. Because of this, I can give up control and let my Goddess consciousness lead the way. My higher self knows what is best for me, far better than I do. Today, I know that the Goddess loves me, therefore, I am free to love myself. Listen for your Goddess voice to guide you. It will be most noticeable when you are making a decision. Be still and listen. The Goddess's voice brings peace; ego's voice can bring turmoil when out of alignment with your higher purpose."
I've always been a believer that everything happens for a reason, even the trauma I experienced as a teen that has changed my life happened for a reason. Still, I would rather that my "choice" relative to how I learn my lessons be done with more grace and less... fear.
My plans for the day is to breath. Breath in that connection to life and the Goddess... reminding myself that there is beauty around me, and that in the end trust is my ultimate tool, something I ignore too often.
Tonight I am off to see Stevie Nicks, something I have wanted to do for a very long time. I saw her once when I went to see Fleetwood Mac, and my seats were incredible at the time, and I remember getting choked up seeing her walk on the stage. The energy she generates is amazing. I was blown away and have wanted to see her solo for many years, but timing was never right. Tonight I am venturing solo myself... something tells me that she may be the channel to which I hear the Goddess' voice tonight. )0(