Monday, September 22, 2008

The sicker the "better"

Mabon truly marks the beginning of my favorite time of year -- entering into the fall season with wonderful changing leaves, this is why I love New England, it has true joyous mystery surrounding the area, and I love to bathe myself in that energy.

I am recovering from a cold. It feels like it's lasting forever, but my sense of time always seems to be a bit skewed. I often say I'm the world's whiniest person when sick, but I understand it's a cry from the inner child for comfort, for her "mommy" to come and take care of her, sit in bed with her and rub her hair while she's sick, sing her songs and make her soup. I did what I could to nurture my inner child's desires, and much of that was sitting up in bed and having a good cry, virtually about "nothing", but the act itself was more healing than any medicine could offer.

I find humor (and much annoyance I must admit) to others giving me advice when I am sick... "you know what ya gotta do..." It annoys me almost more than the cold itself, as though I have never been sick before, as though I get sick much too often, as though they have the one defining remedy to my illness. Still, with kindness I listen, while the inner brat rolls her eyes and grows increasingly annoyed with phone calls/emails and the like sharing unwanted advice. I know others mean well, but when you're sick, you just want someone to say "I hope you get better"... that's it, the end.

Let me clarify by saying that all the advice wasn't some master home remedy that has worked for them, it was clear western advice of "take some zinc... make sure you get some Dayquil... are you taking any vitamin C?" And my favorite: "you should get some sleep"... oh, should I?

It's no secret I have issues with insomnia. When I am sick it's actually harder for me to sleep. I slept 1 day out of the 4 I had a cold. Perhaps why I was overly emotional and snippy... I actually sat up in bed one night just saying over and over between sobs "I JUST WANT TO SLEEEEEP". It's the little things, such as a good night's sleep, that I appreciate greatly when I get it. I consider myself lucky that I am mostly a decent human being on lack of sleep... mostly ;)

The funny thing that most don't understand is that this cold right now, this is part of my process. Every March/April and September I get sick, quite sick. In the spring I am known to rush to the ER with a diagnosis that always is beyond absurd to me (such as the year I got the "Cruise ship virus" when I hadn't been on a cruise before... or really near anyone who had been), but I am a believer in mixing eastern and western medicine, doing what I can from an energetic perspective and calling upon my healing team to help while still accepting help from the western world of healing.

Is it no coincidence that we are looking at the Ostara and Mabon when I am sick? Every year, like clockwork. It's my spiritual cleanse. My body wishes to move out the old, and sometimes the only way it can (or sometimes, oddly enough, the only way I will *allow* it to) move out is through a cold, one that stops me in my tracks to have no choice but evaluate my life, my choices, my thoughts, my everything.

Some years are better than others. This year is a good year, despite my whining, as this time last year I had a fever of over 100 for 2 weeks that nothing in medicine could shake. I was in deep processing, and a great deal was purged from me, allowing for deeper access to subconscious issues needing healing that I didn't know I would ever be able to access.

This year is better, although gross and tiresome, I understand it's purpose, so in those sleepless nights of tears I opened my ears to the voice of the Goddess, to hear beyond Her whispers, but rather hear the whispers within Her whispers... as I understand Her messages, bits and pieces of the cold chip away. Every moment has been a new inner discovery, but I can understand how those skeptical of a spiritual cleanse choose to see instead someone who is sick because of a thousand different reasons.

It's true that when someone gets sick they have already been sick days before in their auric system -- it penetrates levels of ourselves, giving opportunity for healing before it hits the physical body, but sometimes we either don't see (or want to see/pay attention) to those signs and it becomes necessary to go through the physical ailment.

So as my cold starts to move out of my body and the gathering of gems has been collected, I am quite excited for this time of year. Although it does remind me that this feeling of contentment and utter joy during this time would be appreciated if shared with myself throughout the entire year, I am focusing on the moment here.

Mabon is a time of thanksgiving -- peeling away the layers covering our eyesight and appreciating the true gifts in life. I am grateful for a great many things -- but today especially I am grateful for my "luck", in a way that only will be understood by me, it's something I never saw truly as clearly as I did last night, and I am thankful. Truly thankful. )0(

1 comment:

Wendy Hawksley said...

I hope you feel better soon. It seems to be going around. Looking at it as a cleansing for your body is one way to think positively!