When it comes to packing I love the slow process. Gathering clothes, refolding them (don't ask), putting them in piles... and the lists, oh the mounds of lists I make when going away (or really when doing anything) is insanely exciting... this time? The lists are there, but I sort of want this instant gratification to the packing process, just longing to be on the coast and enjoy the time away.
I'm feeling the magick of the season start to awaken and I'm trying to figure out how to schedule things properly when we return. I have my W1 studies and need to get started on the intros to W2; HBWM begins in October with ADC because I just knew this month was going to be a bit crazy when we returned that I didn't want to focus on starting anything.
I am planning a New Moon ritual to tie up the end of our studies with AT -- working through the book and reflecting on Shekhinah's legacy was quite powerful, and each Cycle flowed so smoothly, so perfectly, even the Cycle on Plant Magic was inspiring (which I am slightly interested but admit that aside from the basic knowledge of herblore that it's never been at the top of my list to delve further into study). It makes me wish that I had been more active on Moonspells when Shekhinah were alive, but then I was with BFC and had enough on my plate going through all those lessons.
I had the strangest dream of my old HP the other night. It took place in the present, where he had already walked away from BFC to be a born-again Christian, but there was no hostility there. He was riding this horse and I was standing behind a fence watching him. He wanted to politely start a conversation, and I was hesitant in my dream because that chapter is closed, but there was some healing there, to say that he returned to the path that was clearly where his spirit had always held space and me embracing with that the spirits are sharing with me, we both just energetically acknowledged our peace within the past and went our separate ways. I woke up with less anger towards the situation.
It's odd, most of that had been buried away until I ran into my old covenmate when we saw His Holiness. I was accused of studying too much, of having too many interests and not being focused on one sole path, and she is both a HPS in the tradition as well as took ordination vows in Buddhism... though I can't say for sure if he had any problems with that, I had been long gone by then... my choice, I know... but the contradiction brought back some buried anger/frustration/annoyance towards him... especially when I was told he left his position at BFC to become a born-again... though I wasn't the least bit surprised.
I was going through some of my books the other day and ran across Lama John's book (which I still haven't read yet), but I was thinking about that one-day retreat years ago on loving compassion and that's been brewing in my mind for a few days on practicing that art once more.
It's funny, when you practice loving-kindness and start to see everyone as divine, there is this sort of cue in the mind that says "good work", and so you slow down, slack a bit, and the practice fades. Chanting has still been an active part of my practice, I have been writing a lot about the importance of devotion and prayer, but I have sort of let the practice of loving-kindness fall behind.
My breathwork led to that dream of my old HP. Fitting. It's a new breath I am working on that Christopher taught us, and I'm exploring the emotional triggers relative to the breaths I teach, but I digress, it's not so much about the breathwork as it's about the processing.
I have held onto this anger over things between us that I didn't understand then, and to some degree there is an aspect that doesn't understand it now, but I understand the perfection of him channeling this very important message so that I could leave BFC, because leaving meant that I would find my way to here, this space that has infinite possibilities.
Upon a recent journey to my inner temple I met a messenger. He said he was there for the spirit teacher of my tradition, and there was the understanding that I had to go find a physical teacher within this realm that would be part of that lineage... I got a name, well, more like a title. The messenger told me I would know when I saw him, but the human mind is playing tricks right now, and there's that little child aspect of wanting to know "now", it's clearly about being patient and trusting the process.
I'm looking into this one center that has been in the back of my mind for quite some years... one of the teachers there, the resident teacher, holds the title the messenger shared with me... and everything in this center is fairly aligned with what I'm looking for, but I don't want to add too much to my plate. Yes, I am the perpetual student who, according to many teachers, really no longer needs to be, so I'm going to soul search further on this, and inquire some more questions, both within this realm and in the inner temple, reconnecting with the messenger. I want to focus on that aspect during the retrograde vs diving head first into something, even if diving in is one of my favorite things to do.