Wednesday, November 11, 2009

"Haunted by that same closed door..."

I can't seem to get "Planets of the Universe" by Stevie Nicks out of my head.  I've been singing it to myself all morning, thinking about this past week and the developments (and non developments) that have occurred... the lyric "and the days go by" always pop into my head when I think of weeks like this.

There's been a lot of processing in the dreamworld, in fact I was reading something about lightworkers at this time having "nightmares", and more and more people are confirming this.  I admit to being one of those people who, despite being an avid journaler, I do not keep a dream journal.  I will write it later in my actual BOS journal, but I don't keep a separate one or bother to write it down the moment I wake up.  I've tried, it takes me out of the moment fast for some reason.  I do tend to remember my dreams in detail, and as long as I keep the general theme in tact I'm ok with this process for now.

The beginning of these 'nightmarish' dreams began with some EPC with people I have lost touch with or don't connect with much in this life.  It was therapeutic, but confirmed the separation in this moment.  The progression then shifted to fear, not deep fear, not the kind of fear I'm used to processing through, it was a strange fear, a superficial fear that felt as though its main purpose was for confusion.

Confusion is good, I think it serves to get you out of a stagnant moment and into neutral 'gravity' (relative to the Four Forces).  The confusion has actually been a great catalyst for movement in my work...

We were supposed to head to Presque Isle on Monday but things changed Sunday night and the trip was canceled.  It was for the better, and I support Drac's decision to not go there at this time.  Earlier on Sunday I was packing, getting things together when near the end of it I decided to stop and take some time to do some journaling, some stream of consciousness writing, I felt something surface that needed to be released...

More information came out about the Pyramids that I work from/teach.  It's not something relative to one of the DoveStar syllabus/classes, this is something I have been developing for a while and I have introduced it in part to my students in class, but it has only ever been an introduction, I haven't delved into the deeper aspects of it with them, partly because it's my material and I don't want to confuse it by taking it away from the purpose of the actual class intended.  It has value in many classes, I know that, but I suppose I'm not ready to present it in a way that could be "borrowed" from someone else when it's material I have been working with for a while.

As I sat down to write, I channeled more information relative to this practice.  There was a connectivity to the elements that I had known was there, but I hadn't seen the outline before, not in that manner.  It was amazing, it drove me, it made me want to put everything aside and just write a chapter on the practice (which I know will be something to come later).  I was thrilled.  I AM thrilled.  It tied together some of the missing fragments and became the Pyramid of Shifts that I have been teaching.  It's active... it's moving and flowing and raising.  That's the whole thing, about raising consciousness, and this became more detailed on Sunday night.  I'm excited!!

I've been asked by several people just this year alone about writing a book with focus on developing the inner Priestess.  It's odd, because while I do consider myself a writer (who joyfully makes many "writer mistakes" and doesn't care!), I've held back from putting my work out there.  It's another layer in the illusionary fear that rises to the surface asking for a decision.  Even blogging, putting some thoughts out there for others to review and digest is strange and scary, because they're mine.  I suspect I felt this way when I first began to teach.  In fact, I know I did.  Wondering who would want to take my classes because what did I really have to offer that was so different, and yet seeing the variety of students who have taken my classes through the years... it's amazing.

I never thought I would have taught so many classes that I would look back and nearly not remember all of the people, all of these amazing faces who have gifted me with their time, but I have.  I ran into 2 recently who came up to me, thrilled to see me, chatting away and catching up... meanwhile I couldn't remember who they were.  People come up to me all the time to talk, I've been told I have this energy about me that allows people to release, and I hold that space for them proudly, so I thought this was one of those times.  Then to hear them talk about a class that they took with me, going back to the year and describing what it was like for them, I can't even begin to describe how humbling it was, how it brought tears to my eyes to know that my work, just sharing what I know, made an impact.  I'm grateful, more than I can say, but shocked that some of these faces are hard to remember.  I suppose I had this idealistic notion that I would remember every single one in my class.  A naive thought, perhaps, but it came from an innocent child-like notion, and still, that aspect makes me smile.

The book is already written in my soul, it's there, been pieced together carefully with mis-takes and disruption and chaos, both functional and dysfunctional, but it's there.  Drac has encouraged this as has my spiritual mother for years, years and years waiting patiently.  I recently ranted to Drac, relative to my previous post about the ethics of spellwork, and he smirked and said "just write".

The continued information on the Pyramid of Shifts isn't the focus of the work, but it's a key, a huge key, it's the foundation in which movement and transformation begins.  We all talk about the "beginning", having the beginner's mind, looking at this with new eyes, and that's wonderful advice, I work to step into that mindset often when I feel I am out of touch with purpose, but what about the bridge between this mindset and actual purpose?  The action, the movement, where is it?  Stillness is valuable, but there isn't enough discussion or education on the action of being still, the actual vibration that occurs. 

I'm thrilled and excited and feel like the rest of the work is coming together outside of myself.  It's within, now it's time to permit it to be without.  My general approach to life is all permissive, I'm not a demander, there's no room in spirit for demands, it's the same with self.  It all starts with the self.

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