Mercury retrograde has begun, the Blue Moon is nearly upon us, and the calendar year is coming to an end... it's a bustling of energy moving around, and I've taken this past week to examine the vortex and the Wheel and my place in it (and around it). Last night's dream gave me deeper insight into something I hadn't realized was truly a deep-seeded issue. There was no glamour involved, simply the message, straightforward, and provocatively blunt. I admit I'm still slightly rattled in my core, but a rattling that the inner spirit hears and is taking hold of the rattle, now.
The year is coming to an end, though I don't put much stock in 'relief' or 'excitement' that one ends and another begins, I'm fairly neutral when it comes to the calendar year in general.
As Witches, we celebrate the New Year at Samhain, and for me that really begins the new year. Come January 1st I am reevaluating what has been going on since Samhain and take the day for deep contemplation (which a few of my friends have commented that they think I "contemplate" too much -- which I think could be a case of worry if it wasn't met with direct action, but I digress...), and, come my birthday, I transition into the third and final phase of the new year where I put everything into motion. That's the key there, the action/motion of what has been planted. The third phase solidifies the growing process. After all, isn't the day of our birth really beginning another "new" year anyway? Perhaps I would think differently if all of these things weren't happening in the same general time frame, I'm not sure. I suppose if I were born in the summer this entire thought process would be moot and my way of practice would shift. Maybe.
November was virtually nonexistent in that I didn't accomplish practically anything. Well, I didn't accomplish what I had intended, however other things were accomplished... the reminder to neutralize statements as well as observe and honor the gratitude in what each situation has to bring. It's a continual process, and I feel like I'm standing on the verbal ledge observing my language more so now than before.
My guides are sharing with me some information on things they'd like to see me do that would, essentially, be slightly contradictory at this time of the retrograde. It's not starting anything new, so it's not completely out there, it is a completion of sorts, but I'm not digging too far to figure out the "why's", but instead looking within and realizing how natural it feels, so I'm trusting my instincts here, and asking that all correspondences be for my highest good.
I had a really interesting conversation with one of the systers from ADC. We have never spoken more than in email, so when she had asked if we could have a phone conversation it threw me slightly in that I knew it must be necessary so as not to confuse what email (the written word) can sometimes entail.
We spoke a bit about hexing, and I was eager to hear her thoughts. She has been a Dianic HPS for 20+ years, and while I share that not as a way for others to bow down to her, but more speaking of her years of practice and devotion and having studied directly under the Dianic Mother, Z. Her perspective was good to hear, from someone who has directly performed hexes and sharing how it stems from a place of love, when we say "For the love of All may patriarchy fall", it is a hex. I admit, I never looked at it that way. It is a phrase I am quite familiar with and stand behind, but to see it layered from another perspective was quite unique and a gift.
I find value in hexing, I do, and as I shared with the systers of ADC my first spell, one that I had written, was a hex. It was to hex those who had harmed me in my sexual assault. That was about 13 or so years ago? Time can be a funny thing when you look back.
In retrospect I would have approached the spell in the same manner, to hex, however, I know there were components naturally missing. However, it then led me to self healing from the inside out.
I'm not sure if she misunderstood that I don't find value in hexing, but it was a rich conversation none the less. My choice in not performing hexing as part of my practice now isn't equated with me saying that I don't think anyone should never do them. I think with any spellwork, with anything involving the art and science of the Craft needs to be met with an educated background, and sometimes that education results from pure trial and error. Is it right or wrong? I couldn't say. As we progress through our personal journey's there is an aspect of us that is always in that dance of trial and error -- and, with pure intention for the highest good, I don't think it can be measured or analyzed in a simplistic lab of right or wrong.
It was nice to connect, to hear her voice on the other end after knowing her and reading her messages on the list all these years. Several of us from ADC would like to get together and have a retreat sometime in the future. I can see that, us gathering together, sitting around the fire in circle, sharing and laughing and singing and celebrating in Her name. I'm not sure when, but it feels more like a "when" than an "if".
I'm thinking of heading out later for a night of music, though I see the long list of things that must get done and the long drive that could be spared by tackling the many projects that don't care for excuses. Still, it might be nice to abandon it all for the night...