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Showing posts from January, 2010

The inward student

In this "time between time", it's nearly surprising to imagine that Imbolc is nearly here.  I can taste the continued efforts of the light's return, the gentle awakening of the earth as She nourishes... I feel the sense of initiatory transformation occurring in the land, and that translates to my own initiatory transformation as well.

I don't have a specific intention in mind for next month, though I do feel like Imbolc is bringing a sigh of relief, in that nourishing and connecting way the Mother embraces us.  I feel Her arms open in invitation, and I'd love to lay in her lap and listen to the breeze inspire me... part of how it is manifesting this year is in the Margha Program that I have decided to take part in this year with the Natural Dharma Fellowship.  I have been wanting to study with Lama Surya for years, and at some point I know the moment will present itself, for now it doesn't seem to be the time, and I am content with that.  I have been maki…

Discovering the truth about F-E-A-R

January has been a time of non-time.  I admit that while I'm not always the most linear person, I do have awareness of time, in general, than I give myself credit for.  This wasn't even about linear or non linear time, it's been an out of universe time... if that makes sense.  I have been so grounded outside of myself, feeling like much of my being has been extending itself beyond this realm, I have been in this mental universe of observation.  Different observation than I am used to.  It was clear, quiet, numb in a way that isn't dysfunctional, almost deafening.  It's been strange, and it borders on crazy, a good crazy, but a disconnected kind of crazy... I've been taking this month to connect with Self, but in that process I know I have been disconnecting from others.  No one in particular, simply everything as I keep both hands firmly on my inner cord, looking for the source of direction, passion, the ultimate wonder of purpose.  It feels like it's sligh…

"Bloodtime Moontime Dreamtime"

Last month I was sent a DVD to review, "Bloodtime Moontime Dreamtime: Women Bringing Forth Change" by Roberta Cantow, and it is probably one of the best things I have been sent to review in quite some time.  While this isn't a post about the review itself, the documentary gave me such a vast appreciation for womyn who embraced their blood mysteries and were willing to share it with others.  I was inspired and wishing I had seen this last week when my own blood was here.

One of the systers from ADC is actually in the documentary which was a treat to watch her share her wisdom among the other brilliant contributors to this powerful piece.  What really captivated me in the beginning piece was the imagery and contradiction of violent blood and how often we see it, even encourage it, in modern film and yet a mere mention of a womyn's blood becomes something disgusting and shameful and not to be spoken of.  While I think this is no true secret, to take a moment and step ba…

Stripping it away

I've been combating this possible cold that has been sniffing around me for weeks now, and while it's been common that once my birthday arrives I generally fall ill, the mentality that it's part of my annual cleanse, however this year I was determined to rise above the need to cleanse in a physical manner that required me to have a fever, stuffy nose and feeling like death under layers of blankets.  No, this year I wouldn't get sick... yesterday I wasn't too sure.  Feeling feverish, head all foggy, I was sure the inevitable would happen, and part of me felt like maybe it was a good excuse for some much needed mental rest to re-access some things I've been mentally working on shifting.  Maybe the potential cold would do me a favor in the moment...

Where was much of the discomfort of this potential cold stemming from?  The throat.  Why am I not surprised?  I have a long relationship with my throat, stemming from birth where I was born with the umbilical cord wrap…

Birthday rites

The final aspect of the new year (in that triplicity I spoke about before) has arrived -- celebrated my birthday on Tuesday.

After taking the few days before to look back on the previous calendar year, and looking at the patterns of where things have been carried over functionally, and what I have carried over from a dysfunctional behavioral pattern.  Thankfully not much, but there are, naturally, areas I'm still working on, such as compassion and truly seeing the Divine in each and every human being, not being selective in the moment or telling myself I will and then get caught up in the idle gossip around me.  Perhaps another reason why I'm just not into group environments.  Open the moments of the lull and gossip ensues around.  I think to some degree we're all guilty of it, and even if my role in it is conceivably small, it's still a role I don't wish to participate in. 

I took the evening after putting Nimue to bed for ritual.  We're on Chapter 2 in HBWM i…

Prior reflections

Years ago someone once suggested that at the end of the calendar year your first entry in your journal (or blog) would be a reflection of the previous year's worth of entries.  You would take the first sentence in the first entry of each month and compile them together... I did this last year, both with the written journal I keep by hand and my blog, and last night I reflected on 2008's entries and smiled to myself at some marvelous memories, cringed at others, then simply laughed at the rest.  What a difference a year can make when you step outside of whatever is going on, be it functional or not, when you're not in it it's a completely different energy.

After reflecting on 2008, I took the time to go through my journals and write up the entries for 2009... in the general pattern scheme I realized that I don't seem to write as much during the First Quarter Moon, however I tend to write a lot during the Crescent and Gibbous phases.  While there is a natural tendenc…