Showing posts from November, 2009

A week, a month, & the times in between...

It's still November, but a different November than the month originally started, or how I originally perceived it.  One week has completely shifted the entire month, which has completely shifted my entire presence in this moment... in that moment... it feels so separate, yet circumstances have been oddly aligned, and my process through it has been in part shattered grief, in part redefined purpose.  It's such a strange place to be, it loses identification even in memory.

Back-tracking seems silly.  Pointless even, but it serves its purpose, even now, to bring me back to the present moment, where I am still sitting in confusion, and loss.

Last I wrote, I was going to Lama John's day-long retreat on Access our Best Inner Resources for Service and Social Action: Meditations of Natural Wisdom and Compassion.  It was a long drive down to Northampton, the weather spirits dancing in mystery that I felt but wasn't willing to fully interpret.

The morning was presented as an opp…

In the center of compassion

I'm really excited for the launching of Charter for Compassion and feeling hopeful that by the hundreds of people who have affirmed the charter and acts of compassion will generate a need and desire to cultivate compassion in our daily lives.  I was the 610th person to pledge, and, at the time of this post, it is already in the 900s... amazing.  In the suffrage of patriarchy we must return to compassionate ways of being, of not only sharing it outward, but instilling inwards, after all, you must first begin the healing process within yourself before it can be shared with others.  We must learn to be compassionate towards ourselves.

That's a hard one, especially for womyn, who are so used to the dysfunctional programming of our society and peers.  The back-talk has become natural, sharing that unwanted behavior and passing it onto our children, our families, our friends, like an unwanted gift, but still, I find value in the unwanted, always finding the treasure in the bottom of…

"Haunted by that same closed door..."

I can't seem to get "Planets of the Universe" by Stevie Nicks out of my head.  I've been singing it to myself all morning, thinking about this past week and the developments (and non developments) that have occurred... the lyric "and the days go by" always pop into my head when I think of weeks like this.

There's been a lot of processing in the dreamworld, in fact I was reading something about lightworkers at this time having "nightmares", and more and more people are confirming this.  I admit to being one of those people who, despite being an avid journaler, I do not keep a dream journal.  I will write it later in my actual BOS journal, but I don't keep a separate one or bother to write it down the moment I wake up.  I've tried, it takes me out of the moment fast for some reason.  I do tend to remember my dreams in detail, and as long as I keep the general theme in tact I'm ok with this process for now.

The beginning of these '…

Spells & ethics & the "within"

The past 2 months I've been reading various books, some for personal study, some for reviews, some for research, and the thing that has been surfacing a lot in these readings is about spell work.  More than the spell work itself is something that has been not only perplexing me, but annoying me.


There has been a great lack of explanation relative to spells.  Like any sincere practicing Witch, you grow tired seeing spell book after spell book being published that has no substance, that lacks a common explanation about not only why certain ingredients are being used and their ultimate purpose, but when and how to do a spell.  More importantly, why certain spells should not be done.

The area this is most noticeable is in love spells.  Book after book (crap after crap) is out there for the naive and the sincere simply looking for love.  Companionship and, oftentimes, loneliness is an easy target for these publishers and authors looking to make a quick buck.  It's appalling…

Canada, here we come... almost.

We're apparently going to Presque Isle on Monday.  There's a lot to work out and we're both not entirely sure why Drac's mom actually has to go, but we're all going.  We think she might have something up her sleeve, as she usually does, but she won't clue us in on what that is.  I tried to do some research on Drac's brother, to see if we might be able to, somehow, miraculously find him when we're up there, which then got me thinking of his other brother that I have been wanting to find for him for quite some time, but that will take more patience and research on my end.

Years ago I wanted to find information on his father for him.  I didn't want to tell him, figured I would go on the only thing I had (his name) and if nothing came up, fine, I wouldn't get his hopes up.  As luck would have it, after much research, I found out a decent amount of information and we were able to get some more information from the army about him.  To this day it stil…

Last minute trip?

Last night I was up later than I had intended (but not as late as my general hours of sleep tend to be), journaling and thinking about the "what next" in the scheme of things to accomplish around here, and I feel like things are moving fast, general time is moving fast.  We "gained" an hour from daylight savings ending, but I feel like I gave up a couple of weeks for that one hour.  Strange.

Some things have come up and Drac and I have been discussing postponing the move for a few more years.  Not exactly what either of us wants, but there are a lot of things we are putting back on the table that would make much more sense (in all aspects of life) to stay here for another 5-6 years, hopefully at most.  I wanted to be able to be settled in the town we want to live in before Nimue started school, but the sacrifice of that is small in comparison to what we might be able to give our family overall by staying here, plus it'll keep her closer to our family, and I kno…

The New Year's Cleanse

The New Year is beginning with a cleanse of the old -- I went to bed early last night after much fun taking Nimue trick-or-treating and laughing at all the candy people kept giving her because of how cute she is.  We didn't hit as many houses, she's still fairly young and it's all about dressing up, but my my did she do amazingly with chocolatly goodness.  All in all a lot of fun, though the weather completely threw me off.  Last year it was quite cold, briskly New England, yesterday it was in the 70s... warm.  Warm on Halloween?  Brought back memories of the one year I spent in California as a kid.  It's not supposed to be that warm on Halloween! 

I have been processing a lot through the dreamworld, last night was no exception.  I woke up every 3 hours from strange dream after strange dream, it was this strange alternate universe of what is to the extreme.  It was strange, and I felt oddly not strange in it.  Confused, yes, but not strange.  Today I have been processi…