The New Year's Cleanse

The New Year is beginning with a cleanse of the old -- I went to bed early last night after much fun taking Nimue trick-or-treating and laughing at all the candy people kept giving her because of how cute she is.  We didn't hit as many houses, she's still fairly young and it's all about dressing up, but my my did she do amazingly with chocolatly goodness.  All in all a lot of fun, though the weather completely threw me off.  Last year it was quite cold, briskly New England, yesterday it was in the 70s... warm.  Warm on Halloween?  Brought back memories of the one year I spent in California as a kid.  It's not supposed to be that warm on Halloween! 

I have been processing a lot through the dreamworld, last night was no exception.  I woke up every 3 hours from strange dream after strange dream, it was this strange alternate universe of what is to the extreme.  It was strange, and I felt oddly not strange in it.  Confused, yes, but not strange.  Today I have been processing through this cold, relaxing and thinking... thinking...

There is something about the school that I am not feeling kosher about.  As this is a public blog I tend to never use names of actual people, however I will say that there is something quite sketchy about leaving someone who you essentially work for message after message and have them not return it.  It's sketchy, and annoying.  This is not a new development, my internal questions about the school.  I came back after K's death feeling like things would be moving in a positive direction, feeling like I needed to come back both for me and for the students. 

Now?

I've seen things, felt things manifest there, and it's a shift that feels questionable.  I came back as a favor, and the person that I felt I could trust has been... well, shady.  There's something off, and I don't know what it is since I'm not there that often, and when I am there I am focused on class and I go.  The last time I was there in the capacity of listening and observing what I observed was both intriguing and slightly alarming.

This person who I trusted, I've seen her essentially talk shit about everyone, people who we are friends with, and it's made me see that the reverse could also be true, her speaking about me, about my life.  I'm not overly concerned about that, about "secrets" that get revealed.  It's a fact of life, I don't think any secret is meant to stay secret, and I think that the mere fact of our revealing them makes it clearly not secret anymore.

She's been cavalier about people who work there, about the intelligence of some of the students, of the teachers.  It used to be about the service, about the work, about facilitating healing... it's about money now, and I was naive to think otherwise.  One legacy left behind debt over progress, another follows suit.

On the home front we are observing another possibility that we have put on the back burner that is now  making its way to the surface for us to review: this possibility or moving next year.  Both with its pros and cons, this week we're hoping to get some further answers to decide what we'll do next.  I've asked the Goddess for guidance here, I will take some time in reflection after this cleanse works through.

Full Moon is tomorrow, theme is: I Have.  I'm focusing on gratitude for this moon cycle, something I have been journaling about, also something that Nimue and I have been doing at bedtime for evening prayers.  We do a faerie blessing that asks for protection, followed by prayers to the Goddess and focusing on the day's gratitude and blessings we've received, asking for blessings for the family, then story time.

I know there are plenty of Witches/Pagans who come to Witchcraft walking away from a Catholic or Christian upbringing, and equate any form of prayer as being tied to their religion.  As someone who was never brought up in either religion, I don't hold the same feelings towards prayer, and in fact as a child really wanted that established in my life.  Chanting, spells, prayers, all the same.  While it's interesting to note the various ways in which Witches practice, for me my focus is about service and devotion. 

I have friends who focus solely on spellwork, those that focus on the science of the Craft, some that deny Witchcraft as a religion and see the art in it only, it's really interesting to note where people stand, where their beliefs are.  Nearly time to get my tarot cards out, I wanted to wait until the evening where things would be quiet and I could focus on the cards.

Drac has the next 2 days off and I have a lot on my to-do list, one of which is possibly going to see the Michael Jackson film that's only out for 2 weeks.  I admit, I'm curious, and I was saddened by his death.  His music brings so many wonderful memories of my childhood, and later it became quite healing during my depression.  Then it's time for holiday making!  The first project on the agenda: a purple pair of knitted socks for my mother, who has been hinting and hinting for a knitted pair of socks ever since she saw the first pair I made.  I will, however, vow to not knit myself a pair with the snazzy multi-colored goodness yarn that I purchased until after the holidays.  Really.

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Comments

Wendy Hawksley said…
This is a really interesting post and illustrates yet another similiarity between us, my dear friend. Neither of us grew up "with religion", we came to Paganism quite young, and we relished the idea of structure.

I miss the structure of my UU church and coven back home, so I hope that by creating a virtual coven, I can get that back to some extent. And I agree that people coming from a Christian background often find certain aspects of Paganism too much like what they are trying to leave behind.

As you say, it is interesting to note where people stand, where their beliefs are.

For me, Witchcraft is The Religion and The Art. That is where I stand; that is where I am happy, comfortable enough to let others find their own way, and to have their own personal truths and practices. :)

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