The Goddess Within

It's Monday.  Somehow I'm not in October and the month isn't drawing to an end and Samhain isn't just right around the corner... I had so much planned for this month, however the energy of this month had other plans for me, which has proven to be necessary, but the return to commitments is more prominent than ever. Friday my brother-in-law and his girlfriend took us out to Witch's Woods since she wanted to go on a haunted hayride, which I admit to have never experienced, and by the next day my throat was completely soar and stripped of any dignity from all the screaming I did.  Serious wimp!  But it was quite a blast and I think we all needed that.  We needed a day to laugh and be silly and ridiculous, and I'm pretty sure my general reaction to the haunted happenings surrounding me provided much comic relief more than the actual event itself. I have this thing, this strange thing where if I go to something haunted like this (which hasn't been in a few ye...

I feel like a week has gone by, disconnected from the cyber world and anything else outside of my immediate bubble, I have held space for those who needed me to share my strength while finding my own renewal in the process of release. The wake was yesterday, and I hadn't anticipated actually getting to physically see Joe there.  I was told he would be cremated.  And he will be, today, but I thought it was happening the day before, so I had images of seeing his urn and his picture there, not him, himself.  That took me back.  As I've said before, this is a new process for me, I have only been to 2 other wakes.  One was my stepfather's mother who, out of the 3 kids, I was the only one who met her a couple of times, so he asked me to go, and I did, to support him.  He asked me to go to the casket, and again I did, but I didn't stand too close, it was a strange notion being there.  The second wake was for my husband's friend, essentially like a brother...

"The bright light is lying down The earth and the sea and the sky Is at rest with the ocean And the days go by They go into the seas that have no shores Haunted by that same closed door Looking up at skies on fire Leaving nothing left of us To discover" I have this song in my head at the moment, singing over and over the line "and the days go by".  The days certainly have felt like they have gone by, quite fast, like months have been processed through in mere days.  Days.  Just days.  It's a strange place to be, but it's the moment, this moment.  It's now. The wake is tomorrow.  While death itself isn't easy, and I'm certainly no authority on it since I haven't experienced it much around me (thankfully), it's a completely different field of energy than I can speak on. Saturday night when I got the news I was tremendously sad.  Sad for all of us, this carried through to Sunday, where it began to shift to confusion.  I'm ...

It's one of those days where whatever intention you had in mind seems to simply disappear without much thought.  I'm at a loss for words, and I'm processing through a loss that I'm not sure how to process through just yet. I was supposed to be at Christopher's workshop/fundraiser today, was quite excited about it, looking forward to connecting with new people and just being able to be part of something so fun, but this morning about a half hour before I was set to go, unable to fight back tears, I called and pulled out. Let me back up a moment... Yesterday I was finalizing last minute details with my brother who was coming to babysit today while I went to this workshop.  After we hung up it was time to get Nimue ready for bed and after brushing her teeth my phone rang.  It was the default ring so I figured it was Drac calling from work, and I asked Nimue to get it while I getting a couple of things.  I missed the call and figured I'd check the message afte...

This week felt like it went by too fast.  October has felt like it's been going by too fast.  Halfway through the month, just too fast.  When did life really begin to "fly by" as adults and stand still for children?  Perhaps that's why the joke is that I don't live much in linear time due to my being in touch with my inner child.  I feel like I come in and out of reality as I balance the work and play. Ventured out for some fun last night and really had a good time.  Ran into an old friend and it was strange to sit there playing catch up but not digging any deeper as our friendships once allowed.  The loss of this relationship was mostly my doing, as I decided our friendship wasn't healthy and I walked away.  It was nice to be civil with each other, and truly I hold no ill will whatsoever, but the reflection of our hours on the phone talking away the night seems like a fable more than fact now.  Reminds me much of the relationship I had wit...

I always seem to find a tough balance between blogging and actual physical journaling.  If I blog, I journal less, if I journal more, I blog less.  The stream of consciousness is completely different in both fields, despite that it's all introspective work, I'm more open there, in paper form, where it's not available for the world to see.  Thoughts are jumbled even more at times, but I'm also willing to admit my personal truths to myself, seemingly out loud, and process from there. I like the notion of blogs relative to keeping connection with another, or perhaps meeting someone you haven't met before and connecting with their words.  It's much more personal than networking sites such as Facebook, though that has it's own superficial purpose that I enjoy, so I can't complain. Blogs have always been a strange notion to me.  While LJ was what my preference was for years, it's still such a strange thing to connect with others because of some kind of...

It started off as a cold and dark, rainy day.  It has shifted into still a chilly day, but the sun is out and the mysteries flowed in and out with the dew.  I got an interesting text today, along with several emails that still have me scratching my head.  It leads me to an interesting perspective of community, and the power of thought... I've been craving this sense of community, in my mind I can see what it is, and while I'm not sure it entirely exists, yet, in this plane, I know it's there, somewhere, and I've been connecting to that desire, however, my sense of wanting a community and the ability to actually vocalize, completely, what that is is two different things, and I realized just moments ago that part of my desire and expression may be coming to some sort of fruition, just not in the capacity I had initially hoped or suspected. It's time for me to let go of the New Moon group I started earlier in the year.  Concept great, execution decent, connectivity...