The Goddess Within

Staring at a blank page is equivalent to an artist staring at a blank canvas: it can be thrilling at times, but mostly, from my perspective, it can be terrifying.  The spinning wheels in your mind become blank, despite all of the inner dialogue that generally creeps in... you're having this conversation with yourself, inside of yourself, immune to the outer world around you, whether it's momentary or not, it ceases to exist for that moment in time (non time), and you're in it... you're in the dark. Darkness has so many relative associations, I won't begin to bore anyone with where it comes from, the distinctions between "good" and "bad", functional and dysfunction, wanted or unwanted... it's just darkness.  If we start from there, from some sort of uniquely neutral void, it is nothing: no-thing.  Grasping that piece is rather strange in some ways.  I see it hanging in a gallery, almost self-indulgent at times, humorous mostly, like the outc...

I'm extremely captivated by that line tonight.  A wonderful Cyndi Lauper song, it brings back some of the best and worst times of my inner world.  Music has that amazing capability to not only be a time traveling device, but a present moment mechanism that makes you leave the world behind for the duration of that song and sit centered in whatever the memory brings.  I've been in a "shuffle" of time travel this week, bringing back mostly fun and intoxicating memories of a time that feels so alien, in wonderful ways, but the occasional reminder of old pains surfaces, telling new (remembered) tales of when, and the image on the other side of the mirror is brilliant -- she is neither past, present, nor future, she simply is.  What power to simply BE . This has been an incredible month of doing and being.  Each month this year has been an amazing transformation through time.  It's like a fine tightrope of linear awareness -- extremely fine threads, right in th...

There has been so much talk about the wind storm in New England, the massive earthquake in Chile, the tsunami warning, the reflections of what Gaia has brought to us in this early year alone... the interesting piece is where people mostly stand on this... no two answers are alike.  You have the group of people who are in pain over the destructive turns nature is taking... others who fear doom over December 2012 luring... then another group who feel it's because of global warming... those that don't even believe in global warming... I know people from each of these groups and more.  Where do I stand?  Several years ago I did a shamanic apprenticeship with the Eye of the Eagle program.  In my second year we did a lot of work with weather spirits.  I remember clear as day one particular journey where we asked the weather spirits for a message about nature, anything they wanted to share with us that they felt others needed to know.  My journey was powerful......

I feel like life is sort of composed of connection, a span of commitments for two weeks, connection, commitments, connection, repeat.  In my own life I spend a day or two catching up on emails and connecting, then I vanish for a couple of weeks attempting to squeeze in or juggle various commitments... I can't juggle... I think this simple, matter-of-fact metaphor speaks greatly to the fact that juggling simply doesn't work.  I'm a spirit of non-linear thinking and being, but residing in a world of linear concepts.  This is challenging.  It's not to say that it's "hard", because that's a choice I choose not embrace.  I mentioned to a friend of mine recently how I prefer my life to be easy, and she laughed, saying it was impossible... why?  If we're creators of our own realities, why, why would I create a reality in which I am knowingly making difficult choices?  Perhaps a simple concept, and it's not to say that the uncontrolled aspects of li...

What started off as a heart-filled week of practice in receiving love has now brought to the surface the old, clogged, murky shit that I had kept so well-hidden, so deeply buried that I even fooled myself into thinking it was cleared.  The awakening of only some of that has been somewhat shocking, somewhat of a relief, but mostly manifesting itself as anger.  Deeply rooted anger at/for/with Self, which all sits partnered in the manifestation of fear. Last month I was processing through fear, making it a point to invite it to the surface, not so I could secretly pounce and attack, but really understand where it's coming from, why I place so much emphasis on believing I "need" to keep it, and what it really wants.  What is the purpose of this fear?  In some ways it served a purpose, was there for a reason, but sometimes those reasons no longer hold true, but instead of sending it away with love, I kept it there, prisoner, then simply ignoring and/or forgetting about ...

Taking some time to catch up after the day-long Temple Leadership Retreat.  I never get tired of them, wishing I had more availability in my schedule to take time out to do more of them, each one is a new experience, new moment of self-discovery, and moments of connecting and reconnecting.  Today was a different retreat than those I normally tend to participate in, but it was a good different. Gathering together with the other ministries and getting to hear first hand what the intention is, who the faces were behind each of these pillars was quite exciting.  The brainstorming, the collective conscious, the respect that was shared in that room today was empowering, and really gratifying to be a part of.  I was so impressed with everyone's thoughts and how far the Temple has come and the excitement of where it will be going.  We had a lot of time to talk, to experience, and follow-up with ritual by the end of the retreat.  I hadn't yet decided, by the tim...

In this "time between time", it's nearly surprising to imagine that Imbolc is nearly here.  I can taste the continued efforts of the light's return, the gentle awakening of the earth as She nourishes... I feel the sense of initiatory transformation occurring in the land, and that translates to my own initiatory transformation as well. I don't have a specific intention in mind for next month, though I do feel like Imbolc is bringing a sigh of relief, in that nourishing and connecting way the Mother embraces us.  I feel Her arms open in invitation, and I'd love to lay in her lap and listen to the breeze inspire me... part of how it is manifesting this year is in the Margha Program that I have decided to take part in this year with the Natural Dharma Fellowship.  I have been wanting to study with Lama Surya for years, and at some point I know the moment will present itself, for now it doesn't seem to be the time, and I am content with that.  I have been mak...