The Goddess Within

I feel completely and utterly drained.  Yesterday I spent much of the day in bed, taking meds, hoping that at some point this cold would leave my body, and after a restless night's sleep, I feel exhausted.  It's a challenge being a sick parent taking care of a sick child.  There's that partial wanting to take care of your child to make them better, but also the other aspect of needing to put the oxygen mask on first, so to speak. I've ceased communication with everyone since my class on Thursday, needing some me time and just relaxing, Goddess knows I needed the break, though I wish it had manifested in a less contagious sort of way, I still must find the gratitude in being only with cold, not something worse.  It's not much consolidation in these whiney moments. Mercury has turned direct and I am breathing a sigh of relief.  This retrograde really didn't affect me the way the previous retrogrades have this year, but I know it was quite a stressful one for m...

Mercury turns direct tomorrow, then I can really think about what the past 3 weeks has brought to our doorstep and make clearer decisions.  However, I am feeling much more at ease with the process, perhaps because my stubborn determination has decided to throw another option into the mix.  The comparison has been helpful, but also more challenging. The past week has been busy and communicatively stressful.  My husband made this joke how much I really don't like the human race, and we laughed and I commented back that I like about 3% of them, to which his math calculated how much that would be and how I don't know a fraction of that many people... fine... I'm not entirely fond of the human species, more specifically as of late, but I know in general I grow tired of the constant battles they/we have with responsibility, respect, lack of compassion... it's been factoring into my decision-making mode as well, though in general I'm just frustrated with our lack of kind...

I'm notoriously known for my extremely long blogs/journal entries, however today it will be short... I'm leaving in a few for class tonight, then I'm teaching for the next 2 days.  I haven't taught during Mercury retrograde in quite some time.  However this class was, essentially, a last minute class.  It was meant to be something else, we pulled it to start anew, then I decided to plug in this class and get the ball rolling earlier.  I was determined to manifest the reality of this program in the time frame I think would suit everyone, but I had forgotten about the retrograde.  The decision for the plug-in comes well before the retrograde took effect, so I have no concerns there, however I think I'd feel less frazzled if it were one of the other classes and not necessarily the first in the series.  Either way, perfection will reign and hopefully more students will be intrigued to pursue the rest of the program further. There is, however, a lot of clean...

The past 2 days have felt filled with busy-ness, but in complete joyful and magickal moments... it reminds me that I must allow myself moments like this throughout the year, not simply during the darker half of the year. Saturday I took Nimue to see Lama Surya.  We were running late (as only a parent of a toddler can understand), but got there just in time to grab a seat in the back and enjoy the meditation.  I could feel my spirit rest and be completely and totally present, in such a way that it washed away the frustrations of the week's thoughts and I was there, fully there, breathing in... breathing out... eyes closed, in the moment... then Nimue says loud enough for me and the row in front of me to hear "Mommy... open your eyes!".  Funny moments toddler's can bring. I had my book signed and Lama Surya smiled at me with his warm eyes and said he had remembered me, then commented on how he liked my scarf.  A couple of years ago I remember going to one of his da...

I did an abundance of thinking yesterday (as I have since we've returned home), but yesterday that thinking manifested into anxiety stemmed from fear.  It's not a "bad" fear, but it's still there, scary and silly, joyful and frightening, it's an abundance of emotions and thought forms that it took on a life of its own last night, and my productivity in other areas became non existant as it was covered by this veil.  I can't say that it's any better this morning, and I partially understand why, I think once I vocalize this with others it will get somewhat easier, but also intensify the difficulty in many other ways.  I suppose I should enjoy the peace for this moment. It's a sunny day today, the weather spirits shining a new perspective for me and giving me opportunity to enjoy the day away from excessive thinking.  The thinking will still be there, no doubt, but not as dense as yesterday. Lama Surya Das has a book signing today and I am taking ...

I stopped the list-making moments for now, at least relative to the "pro-con" list.  The fact of the matter is, I believe I know what my decision is.  Now it's about waiting for Mercury to turn direct and from there stand in unision with the universe and see what happens next, with the attempts to not be so attached to the outcome, I feel somewhat attached already.  But I see the benefits in either way it spins, there's comfort there. I'm still playing catch up with emails and ADC and all other commitments, tackling them bit by bit then getting side-tracked or distracted, Mercury clearly has other things in store for me, but we're seeming to be working together; my inner brat has decided to step aside from the need to make things her way and work in conjunction with this retrograde, unlike last time where clearly it became all about what *I* wanted in a ridiculously defiant way, it was rather amusing to watch in retrospect. I've been thinking a lot lat...

Back from vacation... and it was blissful and perfectly timed.  Ah, how I love this time of year! It was actually the first real vacation we have taken, just the three of us, as the last one was with my spiritual mother, which was still a grand time, but it was nice for the 3 of us to have this time together without obligation, and we made the most of the perfect temperature week, the amazing outdoor pool (me, tanned, yes), and just enjoying the view, which was breathtaking.  We ate breakfast everyday out on the deck, watched the golfers, enjoyed the view of the water and the moon, oh She was glorious, Lady Luna shining in Her full glory, mysteries abound, almost forgot Mercury went retrograde shortly after we arrived.  He felt like he was on pause, and we weren't "affected" in the least -- at least not in a conscious way. I did a lot of thinking while away.  A lot.  We have been discussing a variety of things, and I have been filtering through some possibil...

Last night was Chad's booze cruise and I must say it was a fabulous time.  I missed last year's cruise because he was the opener and, frankly, the year before really made up my mind that it would be awhile before going on another.  Don't get me wrong, he's an amazing singer, clearly one of my favorites, but that one show was quite disasterous and he's well aware of why, however, last night completely made up for it, and I found myself having more fun and being more social than I thought I would.  In fact several people commented in general how I'm always an "outgoing" and "social" person.  Really? Really? Strange, I never think of myself as either of those traits, and while there is an aspect of ourselves that may not see what other people see, I've come to realize that these parts of ourselves that are masked for others are channeled moments of what both spirits need in human form in the moment.  I'd reflect further on this thoug...

When it comes to packing I love the slow process.  Gathering clothes, refolding them (don't ask), putting them in piles... and the lists, oh the mounds of lists I make when going away (or really when doing anything) is insanely exciting... this time?  The lists are there, but I sort of want this instant gratification to the packing process, just longing to be on the coast and enjoy the time away. I'm feeling the magick of the season start to awaken and I'm trying to figure out how to schedule things properly when we return.  I have my W1 studies and need to get started on the intros to W2; HBWM begins in October with ADC because I just knew this month was going to be a bit crazy when we returned that I didn't want to focus on starting anything.  I am planning a New Moon ritual to tie up the end of our studies with AT -- working through the book and reflecting on Shekhinah's legacy was quite powerful, and each Cycle flowed so smoothly, so perfectly, even the Cycl...