The Goddess Within

Mercury retrograde has begun, the Blue Moon is nearly upon us, and the calendar year is coming to an end... it's a bustling of energy moving around, and I've taken this past week to examine the vortex and the Wheel and my place in it (and around it).  Last night's dream gave me deeper insight into something I hadn't realized was truly a deep-seeded issue.  There was no glamour involved, simply the message, straightforward, and provocatively blunt.  I admit I'm still slightly rattled in my core, but a rattling that the inner spirit hears and is taking hold of the rattle, now. The year is coming to an end, though I don't put much stock in 'relief' or 'excitement' that one ends and another begins, I'm fairly neutral when it comes to the calendar year in general.  As Witches, we celebrate the New Year at Samhain, and for me that really begins the new year.  Come January 1st I am reevaluating what has been going on since Samhain and take the d...

I feel the misalignment of communication luring around the corner.  Not necessarily out of intention, but with Mercury turning retrograde once more before the end of this year it's a natural progression of this time, and in the shadow of the retrograde I am already noticing it.  I had nearly forgotten that we had one more retrograde to go before the year was over.  It will run through my birthday next month, tied obviously into my Sun sign of Capricorn this time around, which will be particularly strong for introspection.  I have been delving within much this month, looking to refocus on certain aspects that I want to pay special attention to in the coming year.  I like what my dear friend Wendy does in creating goals for each of the 5 elements -- perhaps I will do the same for my birthday.  I started to think about it last night, so many tying into one another, as is a natural tendency with the elements when you look at the notion of all is one in the di...

I'm a Witch.  Openly out of the broom closet, I sometimes forget the road to coming out, and how others don't quite have the same blessings and opportunity many of us do have by being out.  It can sometimes come at a price, with many judgments, pain, and loss.  I think many of us forget that sometimes, I know I do. I've been a practicing Witch for over 13 years.  An awakening that felt so natural, so much like coming home, my life is so rich from this connection to Goddess, which has connected me to some amazing systers and brothers in the Craft. I came out of the broom closet early on, once I identified and realized that I was Witch, I wore my pentacle openly, and that was a huge step.  Even then, 13 years ago, it was a different time, such a different time.  I think the different levels of acceptance continue to shift, mostly for the better over time, but the levels of ignorance vary, though it's still there, some aspects more progressive than others....

I'm one of those non-resolution makers.  I don't make them.  I plant seeds in the new year at Samhain, so come January's new year, I am already in the manifestation of my goals for the year.  Also, with my birthday just a couple of days after the new year (January's, that is), I take a moment to refocus and shift what hasn't been working since Samhain as I focus on the year ahead -- my year ahead, vs the energy of this one day set up for whatever mindset we convince ourselves is fitting. They say resolutions don't work because people set themselves up for failure, or that they do work if you put your mind to it.  Then there's the argument that there's too much emphasis on this one day to change your life.  Maybe all of them are right, I don't know.  I haven't focused much on why I do or don't do it, but rather I think of it as this vortex in the moment: what do I want?  Then I go from there.  The date isn't essential.  While I do plan t...

The rumours of snow are true -- woke up this morning to see the ground covered and the flakes continuing to come down.  I, personally, love snow.  I love winter, especially the first real snowfall, the big one where everything looks like a sentimental postcard.  I adore it.  It's precisely the reason why I adore New England and prefer to call this area my home. I lived in California for a year as a child, and while the first month was exciting, when it came to the darker half of the year it was a complete disappointment, and I longed for the cold, for the snow, for the winters I had grown accustomed to as a child. In our talks about the possibility of moving to Florida this was pretty much on the top of my "con" list.  I didn't know if I could go through missing another snowstorm, missing the bitter cold, missing the various layers for warmth only appreciated during this time of year.  Even though all of the signs kept pointing to stay here, Florida was...

I feel inspired... inspired !  I have been working on this piece for a couple of years now that I sometimes bring into the classes I teach and today while working on another piece, it started to reveal itself again.  It's magnificent, and while I certainly can't take all the credit, as my guides have been instrumental in answering my questions, it's a huge step in this phase of putting it all together, and the next step is directing itself, even before I have had a chance to pretend to orchestrate its next move, it has pulled itself together and is pointing the way through the clearing in the forest... my my what a bright light that shines ahead... I love those instrumental moments where clarity mixes with the muses and the canvas no longer feels like this immense, blank object standing before you... "It is green; it is aqua marine.  It is colors I have never seen..." It really is colors I have never seen.  I love new/renewed self discovery.  It's a culmin...

December days are quick in their short hours, but I have been in renewal since the month began.  As each day brings us closer to the light, each day the light shines a new gratitude, or renewed gratitude, that I has this sense of relief from its presence. Nimue has turned 4 today, and the beautiful memories that have gifted my day has been a treasure.  She has been my greatest teacher; an ancient spirit of the ancient ones sharing her wisdom, her joy, her love and her pure, delicate light.  She shares it so freely, it shadows my own light in only the most glorious of ways, and her being makes me want to be a better being.  Some days I am better attuned with this aspect than others, but today was one of those days where I was just in the center of the Wheel, adoring this treasured Goddess-embodiment.  It's no wonder she chose two amazing Goddesses to be named after... I don't feel the heaviness this month that was weighed with loss as I did last month.  ...

It's still November, but a different November than the month originally started, or how I originally perceived it.  One week has completely shifted the entire month, which has completely shifted my entire presence in this moment... in that moment... it feels so separate, yet circumstances have been oddly aligned, and my process through it has been in part shattered grief, in part redefined purpose.  It's such a strange place to be, it loses identification even in memory. Back-tracking seems silly.  Pointless even, but it serves its purpose, even now, to bring me back to the present moment, where I am still sitting in confusion, and loss. Last I wrote, I was going to Lama John's day-long retreat on Access our Best Inner Resources for Service and Social Action: Meditations of Natural Wisdom and Compassion.  It was a long drive down to Northampton, the weather spirits dancing in mystery that I felt but wasn't willing to fully interpret. The morning was presented a...

I'm really excited for the launching of Charter for Compassion and feeling hopeful that by the hundreds of people who have affirmed the charter and acts of compassion will generate a need and desire to cultivate compassion in our daily lives.  I was the 610th person to pledge, and, at the time of this post, it is already in the 900s... amazing.  In the suffrage of patriarchy we must return to compassionate ways of being, of not only sharing it outward, but instilling inwards, after all, you must first begin the healing process within yourself before it can be shared with others.  We must learn to be compassionate towards ourselves. That's a hard one, especially for womyn, who are so used to the dysfunctional programming of our society and peers.  The back-talk has become natural, sharing that unwanted behavior and passing it onto our children, our families, our friends, like an unwanted gift, but still, I find value in the unwanted, always finding the treasure in ...

I can't seem to get "Planets of the Universe" by Stevie Nicks out of my head.  I've been singing it to myself all morning, thinking about this past week and the developments (and non developments) that have occurred... the lyric "and the days go by" always pop into my head when I think of weeks like this. There's been a lot of processing in the dreamworld, in fact I was reading something about lightworkers at this time having "nightmares", and more and more people are confirming this.  I admit to being one of those people who, despite being an avid journaler, I do not keep a dream journal.  I will write it later in my actual BOS journal, but I don't keep a separate one or bother to write it down the moment I wake up.  I've tried, it takes me out of the moment fast for some reason.  I do tend to remember my dreams in detail, and as long as I keep the general theme in tact I'm ok with this process for now. The beginning of these ...

The past 2 months I've been reading various books, some for personal study, some for reviews, some for research, and the thing that has been surfacing a lot in these readings is about spell work.  More than the spell work itself is something that has been not only perplexing me, but annoying me. Ethics. There has been a great lack of explanation relative to spells.  Like any sincere practicing Witch, you grow tired seeing spell book after spell book being published that has no substance, that lacks a common explanation about not only why certain ingredients are being used and their ultimate purpose, but when and how to do a spell.  More importantly, why certain spells should not be done. The area this is most noticeable is in love spells.  Book after book (crap after crap) is out there for the naive and the sincere simply looking for love.  Companionship and, oftentimes, loneliness is an easy target for these publishers and authors looking to make a quick ...

We're apparently going to Presque Isle on Monday.  There's a lot to work out and we're both not entirely sure why Drac's mom actually has to go, but we're all going.  We think she might have something up her sleeve, as she usually does, but she won't clue us in on what that is.  I tried to do some research on Drac's brother, to see if we might be able to, somehow, miraculously find him when we're up there, which then got me thinking of his other brother that I have been wanting to find for him for quite some time, but that will take more patience and research on my end. Years ago I wanted to find information on his father for him.  I didn't want to tell him, figured I would go on the only thing I had (his name) and if nothing came up, fine, I wouldn't get his hopes up.  As luck would have it, after much research, I found out a decent amount of information and we were able to get some more information from the army about him.  To this day it sti...

Last night I was up later than I had intended (but not as late as my general hours of sleep tend to be), journaling and thinking about the "what next" in the scheme of things to accomplish around here, and I feel like things are moving fast, general time is moving fast.  We "gained" an hour from daylight savings ending, but I feel like I gave up a couple of weeks for that one hour.  Strange. Some things have come up and Drac and I have been discussing postponing the move for a few more years.  Not exactly what either of us wants, but there are a lot of things we are putting back on the table that would make much more sense (in all aspects of life) to stay here for another 5-6 years, hopefully at most.  I wanted to be able to be settled in the town we want to live in before Nimue started school, but the sacrifice of that is small in comparison to what we might be able to give our family overall by staying here, plus it'll keep her closer to our family, and I kn...

The New Year is beginning with a cleanse of the old -- I went to bed early last night after much fun taking Nimue trick-or-treating and laughing at all the candy people kept giving her because of how cute she is.  We didn't hit as many houses, she's still fairly young and it's all about dressing up, but my my did she do amazingly with chocolatly goodness.  All in all a lot of fun, though the weather completely threw me off.  Last year it was quite cold, briskly New England, yesterday it was in the 70s... warm.  Warm on Halloween?  Brought back memories of the one year I spent in California as a kid.  It's not supposed to be that warm on Halloween!  I have been processing a lot through the dreamworld, last night was no exception.  I woke up every 3 hours from strange dream after strange dream, it was this strange alternate universe of what is to the extreme.  It was strange, and I felt oddly not strange in it.  Confused, yes, but not st...

Halloween and Samhain are here -- how did the end of the year come so quick?  So much to reflect on, the day already feels like it's simply whizzing by.  Thankfully Samhain isn't simply celebrated on today, the 31st.  Each tradition is different; when I was in BFC we observed Samhain on November 7th; many traditional Pagans celebrate on October 31st, others continuing through to November 2nd, as well as getting the opportunity to celebrate once more when Lunar Samhain rolls around.  This many days of celebrations?  Jai Ma!! I was going to go to my old covenmates tonight for ritual, but she has informed me that she was just exposed to H1N1.  She works as a nurse so I imagine being exposed to a variety of illnesses is fairly common, I trust she will be well but sending her light none the less.  So, tonight I plan to stay in and enjoy the evening after taking Nimue trick-or-treating. Our town is one of the few in NH that actually has trick-or-treating...

I don't know why, but in general I tend to get a little surprised by people who don't know what EPC is, more particularly spiritual people.  Really?  Most people have practiced this and have no idea, and in fact I would say that's true about 98% of the students I teach.  I suppose it's just the label of which we define it that might not make sense to people, I know I'm certainly one of them at times. If you don't know what EPC is, it's Etheric Plane Communication.  The basic way I like to start discussing this with my students is that it's communicating with another being on the etheric plane.  Some will go as far as to describe the etheric plane as the dream plane, though I don't equate the two as being the same, but that's a discussion for another day.  In this communication, you are able to speak with another being and begin the process of healing.  You are in a safe space of being able to vocalize what you want to say to another without p...

I've been waking up late the past several mornings, mostly due to the cloudy haze and darkness that it still feels like 4 or 5am, so needless to say I go back to sleep. Today I was up early, awoken from strange dreams, the rain has me wanting to curl up with several good books.  Or to study.  Or knit.  Clearly I can't make up my mind this week. Christopher emailed this morning to say that Ted Andrews had crossed the veil on Saturday.  So sad.  I was just thinking of his work last week, how "Animal Speak" is quite essential in any Pagan/Witch library.  Such a year of loss, so terrible to lose people who have created some amazing and powerful works this year, such as Andrews, as well as Marion Weinstein, watching more and more of these authors cross to the other side.  It's inevitable in the cycle of life, still, quite sad to see them go, hoping that what gets left behind is not just the memory of their work, but inspiration in younger authors who will...

At  ADC we've begun our book study with Z's HBWM, and upon reading through the intros and first chapter I felt that we needed to begin with sharing what brought us to the Goddess.  Z shares in the few first pages about coming to the Goddess, saying "falling in love seems to be the biggest recruiter for the Goddess."  It's not the same as our coming out of the broom closet stories, the identification of coming to the Goddess is a huge thing to vocalize, and it felt important for us to begin there.  My own story has many parts.  Here is what I shared with the systers there: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ What brought me to the Goddess? As I child I longed for some kind of spiritual direction.  My parents are non-practicing Catholics, I was baptized in the Catholic church and my religious education in that tradition ended there.  Years later my brother made attempts to teach me on his own, from his religious books from CCD, but even then I couldn't ident...