The Goddess Within

Halloween and Samhain are here -- how did the end of the year come so quick?  So much to reflect on, the day already feels like it's simply whizzing by.  Thankfully Samhain isn't simply celebrated on today, the 31st.  Each tradition is different; when I was in BFC we observed Samhain on November 7th; many traditional Pagans celebrate on October 31st, others continuing through to November 2nd, as well as getting the opportunity to celebrate once more when Lunar Samhain rolls around.  This many days of celebrations?  Jai Ma!! I was going to go to my old covenmates tonight for ritual, but she has informed me that she was just exposed to H1N1.  She works as a nurse so I imagine being exposed to a variety of illnesses is fairly common, I trust she will be well but sending her light none the less.  So, tonight I plan to stay in and enjoy the evening after taking Nimue trick-or-treating. Our town is one of the few in NH that actually has trick-or-treating...

I don't know why, but in general I tend to get a little surprised by people who don't know what EPC is, more particularly spiritual people.  Really?  Most people have practiced this and have no idea, and in fact I would say that's true about 98% of the students I teach.  I suppose it's just the label of which we define it that might not make sense to people, I know I'm certainly one of them at times. If you don't know what EPC is, it's Etheric Plane Communication.  The basic way I like to start discussing this with my students is that it's communicating with another being on the etheric plane.  Some will go as far as to describe the etheric plane as the dream plane, though I don't equate the two as being the same, but that's a discussion for another day.  In this communication, you are able to speak with another being and begin the process of healing.  You are in a safe space of being able to vocalize what you want to say to another without p...

I've been waking up late the past several mornings, mostly due to the cloudy haze and darkness that it still feels like 4 or 5am, so needless to say I go back to sleep. Today I was up early, awoken from strange dreams, the rain has me wanting to curl up with several good books.  Or to study.  Or knit.  Clearly I can't make up my mind this week. Christopher emailed this morning to say that Ted Andrews had crossed the veil on Saturday.  So sad.  I was just thinking of his work last week, how "Animal Speak" is quite essential in any Pagan/Witch library.  Such a year of loss, so terrible to lose people who have created some amazing and powerful works this year, such as Andrews, as well as Marion Weinstein, watching more and more of these authors cross to the other side.  It's inevitable in the cycle of life, still, quite sad to see them go, hoping that what gets left behind is not just the memory of their work, but inspiration in younger authors who will...

At  ADC we've begun our book study with Z's HBWM, and upon reading through the intros and first chapter I felt that we needed to begin with sharing what brought us to the Goddess.  Z shares in the few first pages about coming to the Goddess, saying "falling in love seems to be the biggest recruiter for the Goddess."  It's not the same as our coming out of the broom closet stories, the identification of coming to the Goddess is a huge thing to vocalize, and it felt important for us to begin there.  My own story has many parts.  Here is what I shared with the systers there: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ What brought me to the Goddess? As I child I longed for some kind of spiritual direction.  My parents are non-practicing Catholics, I was baptized in the Catholic church and my religious education in that tradition ended there.  Years later my brother made attempts to teach me on his own, from his religious books from CCD, but even then I couldn't ident...

It's Monday.  Somehow I'm not in October and the month isn't drawing to an end and Samhain isn't just right around the corner... I had so much planned for this month, however the energy of this month had other plans for me, which has proven to be necessary, but the return to commitments is more prominent than ever. Friday my brother-in-law and his girlfriend took us out to Witch's Woods since she wanted to go on a haunted hayride, which I admit to have never experienced, and by the next day my throat was completely soar and stripped of any dignity from all the screaming I did.  Serious wimp!  But it was quite a blast and I think we all needed that.  We needed a day to laugh and be silly and ridiculous, and I'm pretty sure my general reaction to the haunted happenings surrounding me provided much comic relief more than the actual event itself. I have this thing, this strange thing where if I go to something haunted like this (which hasn't been in a few ye...

I feel like a week has gone by, disconnected from the cyber world and anything else outside of my immediate bubble, I have held space for those who needed me to share my strength while finding my own renewal in the process of release. The wake was yesterday, and I hadn't anticipated actually getting to physically see Joe there.  I was told he would be cremated.  And he will be, today, but I thought it was happening the day before, so I had images of seeing his urn and his picture there, not him, himself.  That took me back.  As I've said before, this is a new process for me, I have only been to 2 other wakes.  One was my stepfather's mother who, out of the 3 kids, I was the only one who met her a couple of times, so he asked me to go, and I did, to support him.  He asked me to go to the casket, and again I did, but I didn't stand too close, it was a strange notion being there.  The second wake was for my husband's friend, essentially like a brother...

"The bright light is lying down The earth and the sea and the sky Is at rest with the ocean And the days go by They go into the seas that have no shores Haunted by that same closed door Looking up at skies on fire Leaving nothing left of us To discover" I have this song in my head at the moment, singing over and over the line "and the days go by".  The days certainly have felt like they have gone by, quite fast, like months have been processed through in mere days.  Days.  Just days.  It's a strange place to be, but it's the moment, this moment.  It's now. The wake is tomorrow.  While death itself isn't easy, and I'm certainly no authority on it since I haven't experienced it much around me (thankfully), it's a completely different field of energy than I can speak on. Saturday night when I got the news I was tremendously sad.  Sad for all of us, this carried through to Sunday, where it began to shift to confusion.  I'm ...

It's one of those days where whatever intention you had in mind seems to simply disappear without much thought.  I'm at a loss for words, and I'm processing through a loss that I'm not sure how to process through just yet. I was supposed to be at Christopher's workshop/fundraiser today, was quite excited about it, looking forward to connecting with new people and just being able to be part of something so fun, but this morning about a half hour before I was set to go, unable to fight back tears, I called and pulled out. Let me back up a moment... Yesterday I was finalizing last minute details with my brother who was coming to babysit today while I went to this workshop.  After we hung up it was time to get Nimue ready for bed and after brushing her teeth my phone rang.  It was the default ring so I figured it was Drac calling from work, and I asked Nimue to get it while I getting a couple of things.  I missed the call and figured I'd check the message afte...

This week felt like it went by too fast.  October has felt like it's been going by too fast.  Halfway through the month, just too fast.  When did life really begin to "fly by" as adults and stand still for children?  Perhaps that's why the joke is that I don't live much in linear time due to my being in touch with my inner child.  I feel like I come in and out of reality as I balance the work and play. Ventured out for some fun last night and really had a good time.  Ran into an old friend and it was strange to sit there playing catch up but not digging any deeper as our friendships once allowed.  The loss of this relationship was mostly my doing, as I decided our friendship wasn't healthy and I walked away.  It was nice to be civil with each other, and truly I hold no ill will whatsoever, but the reflection of our hours on the phone talking away the night seems like a fable more than fact now.  Reminds me much of the relationship I had wit...

I always seem to find a tough balance between blogging and actual physical journaling.  If I blog, I journal less, if I journal more, I blog less.  The stream of consciousness is completely different in both fields, despite that it's all introspective work, I'm more open there, in paper form, where it's not available for the world to see.  Thoughts are jumbled even more at times, but I'm also willing to admit my personal truths to myself, seemingly out loud, and process from there. I like the notion of blogs relative to keeping connection with another, or perhaps meeting someone you haven't met before and connecting with their words.  It's much more personal than networking sites such as Facebook, though that has it's own superficial purpose that I enjoy, so I can't complain. Blogs have always been a strange notion to me.  While LJ was what my preference was for years, it's still such a strange thing to connect with others because of some kind of...

It started off as a cold and dark, rainy day.  It has shifted into still a chilly day, but the sun is out and the mysteries flowed in and out with the dew.  I got an interesting text today, along with several emails that still have me scratching my head.  It leads me to an interesting perspective of community, and the power of thought... I've been craving this sense of community, in my mind I can see what it is, and while I'm not sure it entirely exists, yet, in this plane, I know it's there, somewhere, and I've been connecting to that desire, however, my sense of wanting a community and the ability to actually vocalize, completely, what that is is two different things, and I realized just moments ago that part of my desire and expression may be coming to some sort of fruition, just not in the capacity I had initially hoped or suspected. It's time for me to let go of the New Moon group I started earlier in the year.  Concept great, execution decent, connectivity...

Yesterday completely threw off my week with it being a Monday but feeling like a Sunday.  Most observed holidays don't affect me much, I'm one of those people who will go to the post office or library on observed days and wonder why it's not open.  Those who know me fairly well joke that it's because I don't live in linear time.  Still, not an excuse to not at least pay attention to what's going on in the now, even if my "now" tends to be without borders. I had ample opportunity yesterday to tell at least my brother and mother our plans to move.  The Universe provided various openings but I didn't take it.  I'd rather address it once, essentially, for the family than to drop off bits and pieces here and there to everyone.  Once the family knows, everyone else is free to know.  It may not seem like a big deal, but when we moved here it may as well have been across the world for the drama it caused.  Meanwhile, we're merely 45 minutes away,...

It's cold today.  Crispy, New England kind of cold today, fabulous!  Though I spent the morning sleeping in from a headache late last night and then tending to laundry and domestic things, there will be plenty of time to enjoy it outdoors. I wanted to decorate for Halloween this year, had so many plans but never got around to it.  Between classes and other obligations that took me away from home I never sat down long enough to get it done before October began as my original plan was.  While there is still time, I won't be decorating since things must come down, not back up.  We're planning on packing away small items, taking things off the wall, the things you do when you've made the choice to move away, and this is, really, the first time I've ever moved where I've had more than a week to do it.  First time ever... I honestly don't know where to begin.  I'm used to throwing things in a box and going, boom, done.  Now?  Plenty of time, esse...

I've been listening to Chad's live CD a lot the past few days, loving the introspection his words always bring me, and the one song that's been playing over and over in my head, "Guarded", has this line that chokes me up every time I hear it, "There are days I swore I'd give up... but that's not today... that's not today..."  It hits home in so many ways, and makes me smile in reflection. The past few days have been good ones.  I taught Inner Child Empowerment on Thursday and Friday and it reinforced my desire to want to teach more outside of the school.  The class was fun and they seemed to really enjoyed themselves and open themselves up to possibilities, which is really all I ask, that they be open.  There's so much fear associated with this work, and it's not a fear-based practice, it's a practice of transformation and empowerment.  Does that mean that fear can present itself in the process?  Sure.  For me that was a definit...

While I love naps and only get to have them once in a blue moon, they completely throw off my day if I choose (or seem to fall easy prey) to take a nap during a busy day.  A day planned and planned well only to be mocked in the face of a nap.  It was a good nap, but still, throws me off my day. I'm looking at the next 3 months and attempting to schedule everything in a an easy flow.  It looks good on paper, much of it seems to be spread out fairly well, I'm hoping that it'll translate well in execution. We're a little over a week away before beginning our book study at ADC with Z's "Holy Book of Women's Mysteries".  Very excited for this and virtually all of the systers in the group are participating in this study which is quite exciting. It's not set up in the same format as AT was, so I will need to be a chapter ahead and really tap into the mysteries of the work to make everything flow in terms of study and practice.  We had a lot of persona...

It went from the start of some fall chilly weather to muggy and warm... fall, where are you?  I feel it necessary this time of year to snuggle under my blanket, to drink hot chocolate and taste the chill in the air.  I want my chill!  I suppose it'll come soon enough, and for those who have complained and felt as though there was essentially "no summer" I guess I can wait.  I, myself, would rather be living in 3 seasons where summer is pretty non-existent... then again it does possess some wonderful things, but today I want my fall back. October feels like it's going by too fast.  With my calendar filling up this month with things *I* want to do, I want to be able to enjoy them fully and not feel like they're swooshing past me in a whirl.  Though October always brings such fun invitations, until I master the art of being 2 places at once I am needing to make choices that suit me spiritually.  I'm not interested in all the mindless fun.  I'm eage...

I had ritual last night after putting Nimue to bed and I focused on my journey to my inner temple to meet with my ancestral teacher and get some guidance relative to the cultivation of peace and compassion in all aspects of life.  It was extremely helpful, and I was enlightened with various information from 2 of my other guides.  Today I feel more productive, more movement flowing.  It feels like today Mercury went direct, for the smoothness of everything is just so perfectly aligned.  I've been wanting to work with the various tarot decks that I own for quite some time, and I decided recently to start working through each deck I own once a month.  It's the only way I could see to start tapping into the ones that I've gotten for myself or my spiritual mother has gifted me.  I don't plan to "study" them in the ways that I have tried in the past.  My approach to tarot (and divination) has changed greatly from the days when I first began, and it suites...

It's raining today.  The gloomy sort of rain, which is perfect for introspection, which in the early hours of today I have done, and it brought an awareness that we're in October.  Not just the month, but the energy of what October brings in all its facets. I'm excited for Samhain, as I am every year, but this month also brings the anniversary of one of the darkest moments of life, and while the older I get seems to lessen the impact of the memories, they're forever there, in a way that is not to be forgotten, but utilized, instead, as the reinforced empowerment of what has since transpired.  It was the awakening, or what fueled my desire and desperation to find more.  It was from that moment, from that incident and the subsequent weeks that followed that I first heard the Goddess' call.  That was... 14 years ago... funny that I couldn't remember the years straight off the bat, but I suppose that's good, I'm not dwelling.  The 11th year brought great c...